when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
