Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
