idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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