break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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