If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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