PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
