Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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