He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
