The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I could fuck to npr.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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