Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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