EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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