I think my vagina is haunted
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
