I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
