What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
