Life is so much better after having sex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
