Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
