okay pat passed out under dana's car
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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