I'm so fucking centered right now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
