Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
