so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
