that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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