I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
