Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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