honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
