What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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