I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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