I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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