Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize