well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
