atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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