So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
