i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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