hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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