so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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