So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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