just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You made out with two different species that night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
