Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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