That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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