Dual....:-)
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
