we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
