marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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