Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
