well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize