So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
