So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
