Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
