I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
