girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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