so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
