Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
