I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
