I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
