How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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