make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
