If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
