Are we in a gay sports bar?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
