we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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