3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
