his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
