I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
