Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this just has baby written all over it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
