I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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