It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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