sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize