I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
