guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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