I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
