All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
