All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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