Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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